EPISODE 87 - LOVE IN THE TIME OF MONSTERS

SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week we set out to review the indie horror flick, Love In The Time Of Monsters! We also discuss some other stuff. I would be more specific, but I honestly don't remember. Sorry?

ON THE NEXT EPISODE:  THE PHANTOM

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EPISODE 59 - ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE

SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week the team tries to make sense of the much-hyped, All The Boys Love Mandy Lane. When they're done with that they dig into the series finale of Dexter, Red 2, and some real, grown-up, man-sized problems. This is serious stuff. Seriously.


ON THE NEXT EPISODE:  TWILIGHT BREAKING DAWN PART 2





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EPISODE 53 - EVENT HORIZON

SHOW SYNOPSIS: In an absolute doozy of an episode the team sifts through the cinematic mess that is Event Horizon. Everything from Sam Neill's shirtless strut, to Paul W.S. Anderson's confusing career is covered. They also weigh-in on Ben Affleck's promotion to the mantle of the Bat, old dudes who refuse to call it a day, and run through a lengthy list of flicks they've seen during the hiatus.


ON THE NEXT EPISODE:  Another Movie





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EPISODE 32 - TOP 10 HORROR FILMS

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EPISODE 31 - WARLOCK

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EPISODE 30 - KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE

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EPISODE 29 - HELLRAISER

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REVIEW - THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

Bringing something “new” to the horror genre is pretty tough these days. Everything’s been done and most of that stuff had already been done before it was ever done in the first place.

Does that make any sense? It made sense in my head.

In any case, it’s a rare and wonderful thing when a horror film comes along that dares to break the mold, even just a teensy bit. It just so happens that The Cabin In the Woods is one of those movies. Written by Joss Whedon (Avengers, Serenity) and Drew Goddard (Cloverfield) and directed by Goddard, the movie tells the age-old story of a group of kids who head to the mountains for a weekend of relaxation, liquor, and some youthful teenage nakedness. (Which really is the best kind of nakedness.) Not long after the teens arrive they’re attacked by some creepy stuff and a lot of blood is spilled.

Wait, no…that’s not at all what it’s about.

Well, I guess it is…sort of.

Does that make any sense? Probably not.

From the opening scene of The Cabin in the Woods it’s pretty obvious there’s a hell of a lot more going on than my standard two-sentence retelling of the synopsis of almost every American horror film of the last thirty years might suggest. The Cabin in the Woods is a deceptively smart flick. It’s fresh and it’s different, and manages to be fresh and different while remaining wholly aware of audience expectations. The movie zigs when it’s supposed to zag. Midway through the zig it does a little jig, and before it finishes the jig it does something else that rhymes with both zig and jig.  

Munches on a fig?

No, it doesn’t munch on a fig. That’s stupid. It’s very lazy writing on my part. Amateur hour. I shouldn’t have typed it and I certainly shouldn’t be calling attention to it like I am. If The Cabin in the Woods did munch on a fig though, it would munch on a fig pretty awesomely.

For the most part the cast is solid. Hemsworth is good. Fran Kranz is good. Anna Hutchison’s booty shorts and accompanying booty are, of course, highlights. The ensemble seems completely on board with the wonderful absurdity of it all, moving from cheeky humor to hysterical confusion with relative ease.

As far as sophomore efforts go, this is a pretty decent outing for Goddard. While I certainly appreciated the strength of the visuals in Cloverfield the story left me mostly underwhelmed and ultimately seemed like a mish-mash of decent moments than a complete film. With The Cabin in the Woods the man has something to work with story-wise and it’s heightened his game.

The real star of the film is the script. It’s fun, and it’s interesting, and it’s unexpected in a genre where unexpected is a rarity these days. I know it sounds corny as hell, but it’s a breath of fresh air. I’m not getting any younger. These eyes of mine have seen a lot of horror films over the years. I’ve watched human beings get mangled and disfigured in just about every way a human being can get mangled and disfigured. I’ve seen a lot of boobs and nearly 100% of them were splattered with blood at some point. Basically it takes an awful lot to really surprise me.

The Cabin in the Woods surprised me.

Sure, it’s not Citizen Kane or The 400 Blows. It’s not going to make you take a long hard look at your life and the people around you, or reconsider your place in the universe. It’s not exactly an art house flick, but at the same time it sort of it. It’s art house without the curly mustache. It’ll make you smile. In fact, if you’ve seen as many mangled bodies and blood-splattered boobs as I have it’ll make you smile even more. You’ll get the references, you’ll understand the jokes, and you’ll see the point of the wonderful insanity of it all.

If you haven’t done so already, this one is worth checking out.

-STEVEN

EPISODE SIXTEEN - FREDDY VS. JASON

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REVIEW - THE WOMAN IN BLACK

Lets be honest, if Daniel Radcliffe’s name weren’t attached to The Woman in Black no one would have given it a second thought.

In the flick, the young Mr. Radcliff stars as a lawyer/widower who travels to a remote village, stumbles onto a hidden secret, and comes face to face with vengeful ghost praying on the offspring of the locals.

This story has been told a million times. It’s been told a million and ten times.

Maybe even a million and twenty.

Sure, the actors are different, the characters have been tweaked just a smidge, but there’s really nothing new going on here. Radcliff does a decent enough job in the lead, I suppose, even if he is woefully miscast. I’m sorry, but when I look at Harry Potter, a widowed lawyer just doesn’t come to mind. It’s not his fault. The dude has a serious baby face.

The kid can grow a patchy beard all he wants; he’s not fooling anyone.

It’s not all bad though. Instead of going for over-the-top action and buckets of gore, The Woman in Black moves at a deliberately slower pace. The scares are mostly tension-based, and at the very least, I can respect that. The film is atmospheric and dense, and the things you don’t see are given the same sort of care as the things you do. That’s good. I liked that. It appeals to the part of me that loves old Hitchcock films and the moody horror-stuff that existed before the slasher genre came rolling in. If I ever meet the director I’m going to give him a pat on the back, lift my open palm into the air and motion for him to slap me five.

Then I’m going to ask for at least half of my rental money back.

Unfortunately, as fantastic as all of that is, none of it makes up for the mostly sloppy and universally forgettable story.  Even if I haven’t seen something like The Woman in Black in a while, I’ve certainly seen it before and I’ve seen it done a hell of a lot better. Strapping the boy who lived into period garb and throwing him in the mud doesn’t automatically make a poor script watchable.   

While The Woman in Black might be worth checking out, once will be more than enough. This is blip on the landscape of Radcliff’s career. While it sort of proves that he’s capable of becoming something other than Harry Potter on the big screen, it isn’t the role in which he actually pulls it off.

It’s back to the stairs for you, kiddo. 

-STEVEN

EPISODE ZERO - Ghosts of Mars

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