ON THE NEXT EPISODE: A REVIEW OF SOME SORT
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Showing posts with label bearded. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bearded. Show all posts
Monday, December 21, 2015
EPISODE 81 - TOP TEN CHRISTMAS MOVIES
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Monday, June 30, 2014
EPISODE 66: MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE
SHOW SYNOPSIS: In this episode the crew settles in to review the only movie Stephen King ever directed, Maximum Overdrive. It doesn't take long before we discover why it's the only thing he ever direction.
Seriously, it stinks.
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: THE RUNNING MAN COMMENTARY
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Wednesday, May 14, 2014
EPISODE 64: NO HOLDS BARRED
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: THE BOONDOCK SAINTS
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EPISODE 63: THE ANGRY RED PLANET
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: NO HOLDS BARRED
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Monday, March 17, 2014
EPISODE 60: TWILIGHT BREAKING DAWN PART TWO
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: A MOVIE?
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Thursday, August 15, 2013
EPISODE 49 - MIAMI CONNECTION
SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week the team tears into what could very be the greatest "B" movie of all time. There are ninjas, an adult "rock" band that sings songs for children, a group of bikers led by a very out of place asian man, a long lost father, and a lot of poorly hidden drugs. It's nuts. It makes no sense. It's awful. It's hilarious. It's fantastic.
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: The "Broads" List!
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Wednesday, July 17, 2013
EPISODE 48 - TOP TEN COMEDIES
SHOW SYNOPSIS: It's time for another top ten list! This week the team counts down their favorite comedies, actually agrees on a couple of them and spends the rest of the show discussing the comedy chops of Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock. Pst...one of them if funnier than the other. Can you guess which?
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: Miami Connection
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Thursday, July 11, 2013
EPISODE 47 - HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET
SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week the team digs in the very odd Jennifer Lawrence thriller, House at the End of the Street. Actually, digs into might not be the correct way to put it. Briefly reviews and instead babbles about a wide variety of completely unrelated subjects is far more accurate. Whey get sick of Jenn and her big round face, they chat about everyting from Fifty Shades of Grey, to a Logan's Run remake and graphic masturbation in the movie Stoker.
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: Top Ten Comedies
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Wednesday, July 3, 2013
EPISODE 46 - COOL WORLD
SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week the team reviews the 1992 animated, boob-filled disaster, Cool World. They also give their thoughts on Man Of Steel, Jack The Giant Slayer, The Last Stand, The Great Gatsby, and a bunch of other recent releases. While they're at it, Steven claims that summer blockbusters are beginning to annoy him, John thinks Superman is Charles Foster Kane, and neither of them know what to make of the new terminator rumors.
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: House At The End Of The Street
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Friday, June 7, 2013
EPISODE 45 - 2012 REVIEW, 2013 PREVIEW
SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week the crew does their best to review the best and worst of 2012 and give their thoughts on 2013. They are fully aware that 2013 is half over, and yet, here they go.
QUOTABLE QUOTES:
"No, I thought it was horrible, but I put it in the Top 10." - John
"If that movie was blowing me while I watched it, it probably wouldn't have made my list.” - Steven
"Khan wasn't a great character because Ricardo Montalban was some amazing actor. The script was just so good." - Steven
"No! Why is he doing that!" - John
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: Something movie related.
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Wednesday, May 8, 2013
EPISODE 44 - DEVILISH DOUBLE FEATURE
SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week the crew settles in to review two flicks about the devil doing devilish things. First up is the Eli Roth produced, The Last Exorcism, in which a small town preacher goes head-to-head with a teenage girl offering him "blowing jobs." Things get really nuts when they tear into the 1975 Joan Collins flick, The Devil Within Her. There are lots floppy boobs, some pervert little people, and a toddler with a left hook that could take down Ali.
QUOTABLE QUOTES:
"We found this crap. Think about it." - John
"It was floppy boobs and weird little people comedy in the style of Vince McMahon.” - Steven
"He's just a little big for his age, even though he's cracking people with left hooks to the schnoz." - Steven
"It's an hour and a half movie with forty-five minutes of B-roll." - John
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: We'll review 2012 and preview 2013!
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Wednesday, April 10, 2013
REVIEW - BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD
Beasts of the Southern Wild is a peculiar animal; a
beast, if you will. The film’s director, Benh Zeitlin, is an avant-garde
filmmaker, if there ever was one. He reportedly never looked at the film’s
dailies until after they were finished with the entire movie and even prefers
his crew to learn “on the job”. His technique may be (read: is) quite
unorthodox, but whatever works, right? With Beasts of the Southern Wild,
Zeitlin’s approach manages to work more often than it doesn’t.
The film utilizes a heavy amount of documentary-style, reportage
camera work and narration, which deftly relates the film to memories of
Post-Hurricane Katrina Louisiana, even as the story’s origin had nothing to do
with Hurricane Katrina or even Louisiana. The film is adapted from a play
called Juicy and Delicious, which is about a young boy and his father in
Southern Georgia. The play was adapted by Zeitlin and its writer Lucy Alibar;
the two of them were old friends and decided to make their first film together.
I tell you all of this because I think it explains
everything I feel about this film. Juicy and Delicious was written by a
woman (Alibar) struggling to deal with the fact that her father was sick;
thusly, it came from an incredibly authentic place (Note: I haven’t seen or
read the play, but I’ve read Alibar’s words on why she wrote it.). Why, you may
ask, was the film set in Louisiana, if the play was set in Georgia? Well, the
answer is that Zeitlin wanted to
make a film set in Louisiana. That’s it; that’s how the film feels, to me: it
feels like someone wanted to make a film set in Louisiana.
What I mean by that is the film’s relentless cinema verite
pursuit for Americana undercuts the humanity of its story and its central
father-child relationship. As much as I admire the director’s feel for the
aesthetic and appreciate his desire to examine an almost fantastical
environment, I can’t divorce that from feeling the film forcing on me that it
was playing a game of hide-and-seek with reality.
There were two things this film reminded me of while I
watched it: the film The Tree of Life, and the book Nine Lives:
Mystery, Magic, Death, and Life in New Orleans. If you’ve seen The Tree
of Life, then you’re already aware of the similarities: they’re both
chimerical allegories on the difficulty of dealing with loss and a father who
doesn’t know how to love. As for Nine Lives, it is also written with an
air of reportage storytelling and, unlike Beasts of the Southern Wild,
it actually is about Post-Katrina New Orleans (and Pre-Katrina New Orleans);
that fact, for me, is likely why Nine Lives is awash with authenticity,
set within a world of the compulsory believability that Beasts of a Southern
Wild simply can’t muster.
However, the film’s look is exceptional and the two main
characters are endearing. Which brings me to the absolute best thing about Beasts
of the Southern Wild: Quvenzhane Wallis, who stars as Hushpuppy, the young
girl charged with surviving the symbolic bull running through the china shop of
her life. Wallis turns in an inimitable performance and undeniably steals the
entire film; she rightfully earned the designation of “youngest ever to be
nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress”. Through the film’s flaws,
which I feel I’ve adequately enumerated, Wallis carries you to the finish line;
when the cartoonish caricatures subside and the moral of the story approaches,
the character of Hushpuppy--and Wallis’ portrayal thereof-- looks you dead in
the face and forces you to care immensely for her journey toward the acceptance
of life.
-John
Monday, April 8, 2013
EPISODE 43 - TOP TEN ACTION MOVIES
SHOW SYNOPSIS: After a rather lengthy hiatus the crew returns to talk about the Oscars as if they haven't already happened and give their lists for the Top Ten Action Movies of all Time. What will they agree on? What won't they? How many times will one of them bring up erections? How much does Steven really hate Will Smith's children? Find the answers to all these questions and more!
QUOTABLE QUOTES:
"The Dark Knight rises above The Dark Knight Rises. Follow that." - John
"Are we on number seven? ” - Steven
"It's a big circle jerk, but as we've seen, I like those." - John
"It's the corniest gesture you could ever give, something your dad would do, but he makes that shit work." - Steven
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: Two Exorcism Flicks!
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Wednesday, February 27, 2013
EPISODE 42 - A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD
SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week the team tears into A Good Day To Die Hard. It's the newest addition to the Die Hard series, it's got Bruce Willis, a mysterious woman in black leather, Chernobyl, and a bunch of explosions. But was it any good? John and Steve can't seem to come to terms on this one. Plus Steve says Stan Lee was little more than an "idea man," and there's some talk about Old Ladies Bangin' Boys 1-36. Quality stuff.
QUOTABLE QUOTES:
"You're not on vacation! The only reason you went to Russia was to save your son, jackass!" - Steven
"They might as well have played Don't you Forget About Me. ” - John
"That's fine. He's on vacation." - John
"Old Ladies Bangin' Boys 1-38 has already been taken." - Steven
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: Top Ten Action Films of All Time
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Friday, February 15, 2013
EPISODE 41 - MAXIMUM CONVICTION
SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week the crew reviews the "epic" team-up of Steven Segal and Steve Austin in Maximum Conviction and spend most of the episode laughing about how truly terrible it is. Plus John makes Jumanji reference, Steven brings up the even creepier side of Segal, and The Flick-Off finally makes its return to the show!
QUOTABLE QUOTES:
"No one has asked him to stretch his legs and I don't think he could. The way he walks, I think his knees are pretty much done for. " - Steven
"Every thing Segal says is somewhere between a whisper and exasperation. ” - John
"He fights like a blind man reads." - John
"Voltage Pictures, good luck with this." - Steven
THE FLICK-OFF
Cars Vs. Talladega Nights
Jumanji Vs. Seven
Air Force One Vs. 8 Mile
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: The Entire Die Hard Series
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Tuesday, February 12, 2013
REVIEW - LES MISERABLES
Musicals are difficult. Musical films are even harder.
Sung-through musical films are nearly impossible. It’s not only that they are
fraught with exigency for those making them, but it’s almost as taxing to like
them. In my opinion, this is due to the frustration of trying to relate with
the characters of a musical. When you see a musical live, if it’s done well,
you get to experience the actors’ performances through somewhat of an osmotic
process; the audience acts as a singular organism reacting to what the actors
are doing. This is because it’s only the first few rows who are getting to
fully appreciate the production. However, because the actors have to perform
for the entire crowd, the delivery of their lines and their movements are all
necessarily exaggerated. To that end, what those front rows get to appreciate
may end up being a performance distractingly similar to a cop directing
traffic; there‘s a reason theatrics and histrionics are
synonymous. My point? Even the best live musical has a lot of obstacles to
overcome before its characters can be relatable for its audience.
With musical films, everyone is in the front row. What that
means is: every member of the audience can see and hear exactly what is going
on; the actors don’t have to exaggerate anything, so you can get a more nuanced
performance which can hopefully help you connect with the actors. The problem?
Almost every musical film has chosen to have its cast pre-record their
performances and then lip-sync to them on set. The reason they do this is to
make sure every line is delivered clearly and to make sure every song hits the
correct notes, etc. On the surface, that kind of makes sense, but the result is
that you lose so much of the relatability for the audience. You can almost
always tell the actors are singing to playback, and the movie basically turns
into a concert (or worse, it ends up feeling like a bad music video). My point? It is incredibly hard to make
and/or like a good musical film.
This is why Les Miserables had been in “development
hell” for over 20 years. Not only is it a musical film, but it’s also a period
piece with extravagant set designs; if it flopped, it would lose a lot of
money. That’s where Tom Hooper came in. Fresh off his success with The
King’s Speech, Hooper lept at the idea of making Les Miserables. The
first thing he did? Decide that everyone would be singing live on-set (well, I
think the first thing he did was cast Hugh Jackman, but definitely the second
thing…). The decision to have the actors sing live is daunting, of course,
which is why they don’t usually do it; it is the sole reason why Les
Miserables is as good as it is, though, because it worked. It freed the
actors to actually act and adapt their performance to the set and to the other
cast members’ performances; it let the actors become relatable. You get the
intimacy of a live performance, with the authenticity of a film. Because of
that decision, every emotion in Les Miserables positively jumps from the
screen.
Obviously, if you don’t know the story of Les Miserables,
it’s about Jean Valjean; he’s a paroled prisoner who believes his life to be
unchangeable, until he’s the recipient of an act of kindness from a Bishop.
From there, he changes his identity and leads a life of kindness. Javert, a
prison guard (and later policeman), pursues Valjean for the entirety of their
lives. I don’t want to be any more detailed, even though it’s a 150-year-old
story.
Hugh Jackman plays Valjean, and he brings an earnestness to
the role, and it’s endearing; you really feel that he’s a beaten man who grows
to be a great man, partly due to Jackman’s natural gravitas. Russell Crowe is
Javert, and much as been said about his singing in the film. I’ll just say that
I didn’t think his singing was bad; it was okay, and being an okay singer
surrounded by this cast of fantastic singers is going to make him seem worse
than he is. What I loved about him in the role, however, is that Russell Crowe
is a fantastic actor, and that’s the Russell Crowe that showed up behind the
voice and, to my mind, made up for the singing. Amanda Seyfried is excellent as
Cosette, a girl Valjean takes in after her mother dies. Seyfried was in Mamma
Mia!, which was an example of a musical film that ended up looking like a
bad music video; she was the only one in that movie who seemed to a) want to do
well and b) could sing. (also, in that movie, you see Pierce Brosnan’s acting
performance did not make up for his bad singing, and I like Pierce Brosnan; all
the “stars” in that movie seemed to be in it just for the vacation). Eddie
Redmayne was perfectly cast; not only is he a great singer, but he played
Marius in a way that made him feel like a bizarro version of Jean Valjean, if
Valjean had been born into a wealthy family. Samantha Barks is Eponine, and she
turns in the second-best song performance of the film, with “On My Own”.
Second-best? Which one is the best? Well, first, all of the
songs are great. Of course, the entire film is a song, so I can’t really go
into each one, but I’ll say I loved “On My Own”; not only Barks’ performance of
that song, but the way Hooper filmed that scene was mesmerizing. And
“Suddenly”, which is the new song written for this film, complements the
material very well; I don’t consider the Academy Award nomination that song got
to be one of pageantry. I think the song is good enough that it earned the
nomination.
That brings me to the absolute best performance in a film
that I’ve seen in a while, maybe since Heath Ledger as The Joker in The Dark
Knight: Anne Hathaway as Fantine. Maybe you’ve read Victor Hugo’s original Les
Miserables novel, or maybe you’ve seen the musical performed before, or
maybe you’ve seen and read every incarnation of Fantine in the history of time;
you don’t know Fantine until you experience Anne Hathaway’s Fantine. I can’t
even really describe how good it is, and it is wholly embodied in her
performance of “I Dreamed a Dream”. I’ve heard Patti Lupone sing “I Dreamed a
Dream”; I’ve listened, repeatedly, to Lea Salonga’s fantastic version of “I
Dreamed a Dream”; like everyone else, I was moved when Susan Boyle belted out
“I Dreamed a Dream”; but they all sound like Patti Lupone singing “I Dreamed a
Dream” or Lea Salonga singing “I Dreamed a Dream”, etc. Anne Hathaway doesn’t
sound like Anne Hathaway singing “I Dreamed a Dream”; she sounds like Fantine
singing about her life, and it’s simultaneously heartbreaking and inspiring.
I’ve heard Hathaway say something like, “To sing the pretty version felt
selfish”, and I love that; it is selfish. I don’t blame anyone who has
performed that song before because I feel like Hathaway was only able to make
that decision because Tom Hooper wanted the songs sung live, and that resulted
in Hathaway singing “I Dreamed a Dream”, I think, 20 times--live… in succession
of one another. You can listen to that song and know everything that it is to
be Fantine, and you hear the moment (“He took my childhood in his stride”) when
Fantine’s entire life ends. You can survive for years on the sustenance
provided by the quality of that scene.
As a person who doesn’t readily feel anything, I
harbor no inhibition toward admitting when a film moves me, and the entirety of
Les Miserables spent every bit of its two hours and forty minutes
hammering on me like a raw nerve. It is an exemplary film, and it more than
earns the term “movie”.
-JOHN
-JOHN
Monday, February 4, 2013
REVIEW - DJANGO UNCHAINED
Quentin Tarantino loves movies. Everyone knows this but,
lest anyone ever forget, he intermittently makes one to remind us just how big
of a cinephile he is. Django Unchained is no different. From the opening
shot of slaves being led across a desert, the film oozes with influence only
gained from a lifetime of poring over film after film and absorbing anything
good they have to offer. As a result of Tarantino’s willingness to pay homage
to the history of cinema, each of his film’s ultimately becomes a mishmash of
virtually every genre you can imagine. Again, Django Unchained is no
exception, but two genres undeniably shine through: ‘70s Blaxploitation and
Spaghetti Western. Tarantino has somewhat visited both of these genres before.
Jackie Brown was Tarantino’s first foray into full-on
blaxploitation film… almost. Jackie Brown had the names: Pam Grier and Sid
Haig, both iconic faces of the blaxploitation genre; and it had the soundtrack,
utilizing soul/R&B music from the like of Minnie Riperton and Bill Withers,
as well as borrowing songs from ‘70s blaxploitation films, like Coffy
and Foxy Brown (which both also starred Pam Grier). Jackie Brown had the
look of a blaxploitation film, but it wasn’t really well-defined within the
genre; the biggest reason being: it’s adapted from Elmore Leonard’s Rum
Punch, which is wholly and unequivocally not within the genre. Jackie
Brown is a great movie, but I get the feeling Tarantino always wanted to
revisit the blaxploitation genre and make a legitimate blaxploitation film.
Inglourious Basterds is 100% a Spaghetti Western…
almost. With its avenger protagonists who largely operate outside of two
opposing forces for an ulterior motive, heroes who prove to be nearly
“superhuman” with their skills (and their reputation), and several characters
who are spurned to revenge by tragedy. Beyond that, the film’s soundtrack makes
use of Spaghetti Western elements, and the film’s opening scene is almost
identical to the opening scene from Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven. Its
theatrical poster even looks reminiscent of the poster for A Fistful of
Dollars. What keeps Inglourious Basterds from being firmly placed
within the Spaghetti Western genre is its war setting; it’s a war film, first
and foremost. Inglourious Basterds is yet another great film, but not
really a Spaghetti Western.
Django Unchained feels like the culmination of,
perhaps, a little frustration on just how close to those genres Tarantino got,
without really utilizing them to their fullest potential; Django Unchained is,
without question, Spaghetti Western Blaxploitation, a genre blend that would be
a complete mess in the hands of anyone other than Quentin Tarantino.
The Spaghetti Western half of the film is delivered by Dr.
King Schulz, a lone, drifting bounty hunter; an outsider (a German in the
United States), who exploits two opposing enemies in order to make money. He’s
not the laconic and rugged killer that is Eastwood’s “Man with No Name”, but he
embodies nearly everything else you expect from the hero of a Spaghetti Western,
up to and including his nearly unbelievable proficiency with guns. He’s, of
course, played by the actor with an almost addictive presence, Christoph Waltz;
no matter what else is happening on screen, your eye is drawn to Waltz, and it
matters only what he’s doing. Waltz also played Hans Landa, in Inglourious
Basterds; I’m convinced Tarantino made Dr. King Schulz a German just to be
like, “I obviously know that not all Germans are bad.” Beyond Waltz’s
character, the film also makes use of Western fixtures like wide-angle lens
long shots, horizon-line shifting, and the quick zoom. Also, “Dr. King”, you
see what Tarantino did there?
The Blaxploitation half of the film is delivered by Django,
a slave. That’s really all you need to know about that character to see why he
would fit perfectly in the blaxploitation protagonist role, but there’s more:
he has been separated from his wife by a racist white guy (the incomparable
Leonardo DiCaprio). So, he’s obviously dealing with racism and revenge. Jamie
Foxx plays Django really well; Foxx is adept at playing characters who are
vulnerable on the surface but brazen on the inside. The first example of this
that I think of, mainly because I think it’s a great movie, is Collateral.
In that, Foxx plays a weak and frightened cab driver who slowly is forced to
show who he really is. The best scene of this is when Jamie Foxx’s character is
pretending to be Tom Cruise’s character; that is a fantastic scene, and it
illustrates exactly what I mean about Jamie Foxx and why I liked him as Django.
Outside of these things, to erase all doubt that this is a
Spaghetti Western Blaxploitation film, Tarantino made up the soundtrack from
songs taken from Spaghetti Westerns, like: Django, They Call Me
Trinity, Day of Anger, and The Hellbenders; and he mixed them
with songs from black musicians, like: 2Pac, RZA, Anthony Hamilton, John
Legend, and James Brown.
In summary, Quentin Tarantino is amazing.
-John
-John
Friday, February 1, 2013
EPISODE 40 - BONKERS DOUBLE FEATURE
SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week the crew is tossing not one, but two really crappy movies your way! Thanks? First up is a mostly terrible70's flick about the head of a racist getting sewed onto the shoulder of a black guy and a car chase that goes on far too long titled, The Thing With Two Heads. As bad as that might sound it's not nearly as awful as Taylor Lautner's latest pile of garbage, Abduction, in which he stars as a teenahe super-spy on the run from Doc Ock's strange offerings of burgers and milkshakes.
QUOTABLE QUOTES:
"No wackiness really ensues though." - Steven
"It's a whole lot like The Blues Brothers' car chase except The Blues Brothers' car chase was good.” - John
"He's strong...he's has the strength of two heads." - John
"I loved that the bomb in the microwave was basically a few old-timey sticks of dynamite." - Steven
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: A Bonkers Double-Feature!
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Friday, January 18, 2013
EPISODE 39 - THE BIG BIRD CAGE
SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week Steven and John tear into a "classic" bit of 70's exploitation titlec, The Big Bird Cage. Busty Pam Grier hangs out (very literally) in a teensy shirt, a naked amazon runs through the jungle while lathered in pig grease, and a bunch of crazy women hungry for dong rape a gay man. Plus Sid Haig flashes a thirty second crotch shot. Yep, it's one of those episodes..
QUOTABLE QUOTES:
"I learned that the best way to evade capture is to grease yourself up in chicken fat." - John
"Such nonchalance about a revolution. We're going to grab some dinner then get working on that whole revolution thing.” - Steven
"It was a creative way to say, oops, we're out of money." - John
"Just spread your legs and say, hey, here's some dong." - Steven
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: A Bonkers Double-Feature!
HAVING TROUBLE LISTENING? Try the direct link HERE
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
EPISODE 38 - TOP TEN TEARJERKERS
SHOW SYNOPSIS: This week the crew reveals the top ten movies that make them weep like toddlers with poop-filled britches. John reveals to the world that he's dealing with a wealth of daddy issues and Steven seems to have a weird obsession with placing little children in situations of great peril. There's also a bit of Jamie Foxx talk, Michael Bay rears his ugly head, and the worst song in the history of songs becomes the show's new favorite soundbyte.
QUOTABLE QUOTES:
"It's an artsy kind of cry." - John
"I had to excuse myself and go cry into the toilet.” - Steven
"It is cheesy, and I like it, and I'm cheesy. " - John
"It's back to the toilet for me! Tun on the sink so no one can hear my shame!" - Steven
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: Something that qualifies as a movie.
HAVING TROUBLE LISTENING? Try the direct link HERE
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