REVIEW - GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE

So, yeah…

Um…

Pardon my French but, ce film est un tas de merde.

I don’t know why I thought the second Ghost Rider flick was going to be any better than the first one. Nicholas Cage was still playing Ghost Rider, Columbia Pictures was still, basically, pulling the strings and the guys who gave us the Crank flicks were at the helm.

There’s nothing good about any of that.

If there’s one thing Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance does right, it’s reminding the public that not every character in the Marvel universe is being handled correctly these days.

That it. I’m not giving it credit for anything else.

The movie sort of, kind of, mostly ignores the first flick – which I was actually okay with okay with. No more Eva Mendes? No problem. No more Sam Elliot on a flaming stallion? I should have reworked that sentence.

This time out Johnny Blaze and “The Rider” go one-on-one with The Devil himself in an attempt to save The Devil’s offspring from doing something that’s never really explained. Probably some bad stuff. That would have made sense. Taking over the world, or bringing forth Armageddon or something. Who cares?

David Goyer’s plot is a stew of incoherent nonsense mixed with terrible bits of “humor” and sprinkled with unwieldy dialogue for that extra shitty flavor punch. It’s a mess. The man has no idea what to do with the characters.

Wait, no. Scratch that. He actually has a lot of ideas, they’re just all wrong.

The performances are garbage and the line deliveries will leave your eyes in a constant state of perpetual roll.

I suppose Idris Elba is sort of a bright spot. Maybe?

At least he doesn’t completely embarrass himself. Mostly.

If nothing else, I was hoping that directors Neveldine and Taylor would be able to bring some decent action stuff to the series, but they couldn’t even get that right. The movie is surprisingly dull. There’s a car chase near the end, and a brawl between Ghost Rider and young Kurt Russell that isn’t too bad. I suppose. It’s not great, but certainly a step up from anything in the first film.

At this point I’ve pretty much given up hope of Hollywood getting it right when it comes to Ghost Rider. The feeling I would get as a youngster when I peeled open a new issue and drooled over Mark Texeira’s rendition of the flame-skulled anti-hero is just never going to translate to the big screen. It’s sad, but it’s never going to happen. I suppose I need to come to terms with that - or not.

Nicolas Cage peut embrasser mon cul.

Damn straight.

-STEVEN